Sunday, June 15, 2014

Opening up about My Binge Eating Disorder

Hi. Hope everyone’s having a great day. One hour left for work, I finished what I had to do (the rest can wait tehe). I’m secretly typing this and hoping that no one will look over my shoulder. Anyway...

What’s binge eating? It’s my opponent, my biggest fear and stealer of my serenity. People often talk about bulimia and anorexia and go about how serious it can be, but never acknowledge Binge Eating. I honestly never thought that any food disorder can develop into a nightmare except when I lived it!
I was such a perfectionist in terms of food. I would stick to the exact same meals at the exact same time of every single day. I don’t remember if I ever missed a meal at that time. Months passed, I was so close to my goal and then I got a job… 

I used to go on hungry for more than 5 hours because I couldn’t find the “perfect” meal, and I would come back home, binge eat, feel guilty, starve the next day, binge eat again. You get the flow. I was literally stuck in a vicious cycle and I didn’t know how to get myself out of it. On binge days, I would feel so disgusting at work that I would call in sick, or if I couldn’t skip work, my social interactions would be so limited because my thoughts would literally collide with whatever I want to say. 

“Laxatives!” that’s what I thought. Perfect solution, I would eat whatever I want and would just flush it out. Guess what? That even promoted my binge eating, too. I remember days where I would literally get out of bed in the middle of the night for the sole purpose of eating. It was horrible. I would feel constant sweating, agitation, rapid heartbeats, mood swings and weakness. Horrible, horrible binge eating side effects.

I gained 5 kilos. 

My breakthrough happened. 

I looked in the mirror. My biggest competitor is staring right at me. This is it. I’ve had enough of feeling bad about myself, I need to take action and I need to take it now. It was that simple, acknowledging that I had a problem was the first and most important step to recover from it. 

Today, I’m 35 days binge-free and still fighting. In fact, I was so motivated after 2 weeks of being binge-free that I decided I would start this blog to motivate and inspire others like me.

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