Monday, September 15, 2014
Criticized for Being Healthy
A few months ago, I was at a family gathering and there was food all around me. Trying to make wiser choices, I reached the fruit salad bowl on the table instead of a cheesecake and suddenly heard a family member saying: “Why are you starving yourself? That’s not going to fill you up!”
I had a really bad binge the day before and hearing more than one person comment on what I eat was very frustrating. I was already criticizing myself and feeling like a failure because of the food choices I’ve made the day before and having one more person criticize me felt horrible. I was fumed. I mean, how dare they criticize what I eat, when they have no idea the sacrifices I’ve made and the binges I’m trying to compensate for? How dare they comment on my food choices? It was as though my family were to blame for my eating disorders. Whenever I try to eat healthy, I get absolutely discouraged. For one reason or another, someone had to find a reason to project their negativity and discouragement onto my life and I’ll have to deal with it. I came back home, feeling like a failure, my binge urges were as strong as ever. I thought to myself that if I’m not being acknowledged for my hard work, why put the effort anyway? I might as well just binge. I practiced “This method” and 20 minutes later, I had a thought…
It’s easier to blame those around you but the truth is; you are your worst critic. Being overweight all my life, the hardest thing to do was having the courage to go beyond my vulnerability and uncertainty to achieve my goals. When I started working out, 6 years back, it wasn’t the hurtful comments from my “friends” and “classmates” that prevented me from starting. It was my own fears, my own criticism that held me back from truly pushing myself to the limits. It took me such a long time to realize that just because people criticize me, doesn’t mean they really care about my choices. They just criticize and move on. It was up to me to let it affect me or not. The degree of how it affected me reflected my insecurities and my fears. The internal struggle I go through everyday made me face my insecurities and hence, become a stronger person on the inside.
Thing is, I’ve learned that it’s always good to balance between the external world (people around me), and my sanity (internal struggle). Once I have control over my internal struggles, nothing can break me.